macnamania

 

why I keep a pile of rocks on my back doorstep, a story with some pictures

so my neighbors keep chickens. lots of chickens. these chickens and me, well we don’t get along so well. for a number of reasons.

1. roosters crow. starting at about 4:30 in the morning. they don’t wait for the sun, nor do they care that I’m sleeping.
2. chickens poo everywhere. including my doorstep.
3. chickens eat everything. including their own poo.
4. chickens are stupid.

Last week I started to do some major garden construction, which included digging out some beds to plant my vegetables in. I spent two afternoons working on it, and two calloused hands later I had a good start underway.
Here are my cleared out beds. See all those bricks? I had to dig them out. See that hoe? That’s what I used to dig them out.

Here are a small number of my neighbors’ chickens. All together there are about 30 of the little twits, of various sizes, shapes, colors, and levels of stupidity.

Now, said chickens, not only do they make ridiculous amounts of noise in exactly the right spot that it reflects off my aluminum roof and reverberates throughout my little house, but they also like to roost in those beautiful new garden beds I dug, not caring that I want to plant vegetables there. They also eat all the good stuff out of my compost pile.

My cat is almost big enough to chase them away, and sometimes he looks like he’s going to chase one, but mostly he’s uninterested.

Solution: I keep a pile of rocks to throw at the offending chickens on my doorstep. I aim to hit, not just to scare.

Does that make me a bad person?

Comments: 2 Comments

2 Comments on “why I keep a pile of rocks on my back doorstep, a story with some pictures”

  1. Diane S from Holy Name Says:

    I love this story. I grew up with chickens and always hated them … they are really stupid! There was some pleasure in seeing them get their heads chopped off.

  2. Dave Evert Says:

    It is apparent that Clare is in dire need of CHICKEN SENSITIVITY TRAINING. Perhaps there isin this wonderful world a wizened individual like Dr. Phil who could be of great value in this about to erupt conflict.
    Already this poor individual is beginning to question her basic values. Consider the depth of harm that might result if one of her rocks actually struck and injured a chicken. The poor child might develop the dreaded CHICKEN AVOIDANCE SYNDROM (CAS). How would she ever overcome a common cold if chicken soup were off the menu forever? Constand coughing and wheezing might leave the child so exhausted as to be fundtionally disabled leaving her no ability to earn a living, leading to hunger and starvation and eventual demise. This is truly a serious situation that cannot be allowed to grow out of control.

    On the other hand, she could make a home style sling shot, hit one in the head and cook up a great chicken dinner and invite the neighbors over to get better acquainted.

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